When Reality Hits

I suppose everyone stops, thinks and reflects about themselves and their life at some point and time.
I guess in most situations it's an event that brings out the need to search for the truth.

This happen to me this past May. Everything I thought I knew about myself was in question, who I thought I was, was now lost and those I considered family were now strangers.

Hard? I believe for me, this has been the hardest thing I have had to do and accept. It's been 6 months, 6 months of truth, of pain, of tears and searching. 6 months since I last saw my mother, 4 brothers and sister. I havent spoken to any of them and to be honest what started out as sadness of the lost has turn to anger towards them and just thinking about any of them sets my anxiety to new levels.

I have always told my children people treat you as you allow them to treat you. Looking back I can see my responsibility in what took place back in May. I allowed the treatment, I made the choices and decisions on what to allow and not allow.

Searching

Forgiveness... one of the most powerful words in society. Inner strength needed from both ends. That who says it must aquire strength of truth and sincere peace and that who accepts it must aquire an open heart of understanding and ownership.

Matthew 6:14-15
For if ye aforgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
But if ye aforgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Forgiveness, I view as the hardest struggle in my life. I want to forgive her, I want my heart to be free of this struggle,  My hopes are after saying it all, after letting my heart speak, after exposing my soul, that maybe, maybe it will help me reach that strength of truth and sincere peace I need in order to say that powerful word, Forgive.

Family, a word of love and strength. Home. a word of comfort and safety.

If the world was perfect, at birth each of us would be snuggled in between those two words